KindaBigDeal

KindaBigDeal

91% match, 64% friend, 34% enemy

I logged into my online dating account a few days ago, reading the random messages that came mostly from strangers.  The page is bannered by pictures of men and links to their profiles—men who would possibly be a great match for me. 

But there, at the top, was a picture of a local celebrity. 

Now, I knew immediately who the guy was.  He's in mass media.  I had, in fact, met him once when I was a freshman in high school, when my geeky classmates and I were taken for a field trip to meet this man in his place of work.  Q&A with the gifted kids.

"Who the hell are you?"

"How much money do you make?"

Ah, genius assholes. 

So when his picture popped up, I was a little intrigued.  I was also shocked to see his age listed as 45.

No fucking way.  He was a grown-up when I was 14.

I messaged a friend of mine who knows him, IrishCoffee.  "Oh, he's 56 if he's a day," IrishCoffee replied. 

I laughed about it and sent the screen capture to a couple of other friends who'd been in my freshman class. 

"Well, everyone on the site assumes you're lying anyway.  They'll automatically add five years to whatever age you post," one of my girls replied.

Later that night, KindaBigDeal's profile popped up again, so I looked a bit further.

"Holy shit," I messaged again, "we differ dramatically on religion and politics but would apparently have great sex.  I guess the site thinks I could sleep with him as long as I didn't have to talk to him."

"The more I think about it," IrishCoffee said, "this has to be a fake.  I mean, no one of that high profile would put themselves on online dating, especially not with their real picture and then lie about their age."

It didn't even occur to me that it might not really be him.  I know I'm surprisingly naive (and blond) sometimes, but the thought of someone else putting up a fake profile just didn't even cross my mind. 

This is where I have to be especially careful, too.  While I was painfully open and honest in my own profile, people lie all the time.  People constantly exaggerate and fluff their stories or their stats, but some just make shit up.  I have no idea what's real or not with these people.  Not only can I not trust that what anyone says is the entire truth, I almost have to assume they're really nothing like they say they are. 

So I didn't message KindaBigDeal.  I still really want to know if it's him, but I'll stay away.  There are enough other profiles to amuse me anyway.

Comments

[Scalawag]

So the wife reads me this, and my immediate reaction was "of all the people I ever thought I would think about in 2013, [NAME] has got to be dead last." I don't know what's more hilarious: that dude might be on OKCupid with a minimum 10 years shaved off his name, or that somebody wanted to make a FAKE profile of [NAME].

But mainly I'm dying to know if he kept the T-shirt. ;)