[NOTE: Readers often ask what becomes of Tierney, and sometimes Tierney and Alex, after Persona Non Grata. New books are in the works, but here's a short update, an excerpt from Tierney's recent life. Apologies for the quick-and-dirty formatting. HTML is not the best for Tierney's techno life. - StephQJ]
Frankie Yo. You still up?
Tierney Hey,
Moonshine! How are you?
I reached to the side of the
bed and grabbed the remote control, pausing the television. I hadn't talked to Frankie in weeks and was a
little surprised when her chat request popped up on my phone.
Frankie Okay. How are you?
How are the boys?
Tierney They're
good. They're with Sam this weekend.
Frankie Well, that's a start,
right?
Tierney It's
something, I guess. I still don't get
how the fuck you check out of your children's lives for two months and then
expect them to still be okay. You can't
just be gone and then have everything else pick up where you left off. Douchebag.
Frankie I don't get it, either. He IS a douchebag. How are YOU?
Tierney I'm okay. :)
Really. I met a boy.
Frankie Squee! Tell me!
Tierney He's
amazing! Sweet, funny, considerate,
really smart. He sees me. I see him.
I think it's good.
Frankie How did you meet? What's his name? Is he cute?
Tierney We
met in a bar. Lightning bolt to the ass
at 1:34 in the morning. His name is—get
this—Jake Ryan.
Frankie Lol! JAKE RYAN?!? Are you KIDDING me?? Does he drive a red Porsche?
Tierney Ha! No Porsche, but he does have damn good
hair. No sweater vest, thankfully. Tessa hates it, though. She says the "Sixteen Candles" Jake
Ryan was a date rapist.
He's *very*
cute. Incredibly handsome and
stupefyingly sexy. He's the best kisser
EVER, and he smells better to me than anyone ever has, with the exception of my
children.
Frankie WOW. Better than Farmer Ted.
Tierney Ya
I was supposed to
be hooking up with a mutual friend of ours, but that fell through at the last
minute. I went to close my tab, and Jake
was there. He said something about my glittery
purse. I told him I was a disco ball
unto myself. It just went from
there. Within 10 minutes, we both knew
the other was in about the same process of divorce. He said his ex-wife was a cheating
whore. I explained that my ex-husband is
an alcoholic and that *I* am the cheating whore. 5 minutes later he asked if I wanted to go
somewhere and have a beer and keep talking.
We didn't really separate for the next 36 hours.
Frankie It's
Saturday night. What the hell are you
doing chatting with me when you could be with the boy?
Tierney He
had a previously scheduled guys night.
He'll call me when he gets home.
Frankie Booty
call or phone sex?
Tierney Ha! Maybe
;)
And the sex is
*incredible*. Like, time standing still, where the fuck did four hours just go,
insane. I swear he makes me Bella Swan breathless
when he kisses me. It's
embarrassing. He can toss me around like
a ragdoll—in the gentlest way possible. He's
the *only* man I've ever met who could keep up with me. The Golden Kitten needs a nap after.
Frankie Alex
Wheeler totally missed out. He has no
idea.
Tierney Lol
He
has a vague idea, but I think his mind would be blown if he really knew.
Frankie That's awesome, sweetness! I'm happy for you!
Tierney I wasn't looking, wasn't expecting it. He was just *there*, you know?
Frankie Sometimes that's how it
works. You know this.
I padded into the kitchen in
my bare feet and chose a tall, plastic cup from the cabinet. It was a souvenir from Medieval Times, from
the night of Tripp's tenth birthday. Sam
and I had taken the boys, trying our best to overlook the tension that was
winding tighter around us every day. I
was a couple of months into my strange affair with the rock star, and Sam had
no idea the role that was playing in our constantly-expanding emotional
distance.
Tierney Indeed I
do.
How
the hell are you? How are Jay and the
girls? How's the new job?
I
laid my phone on the kitchen table while I filled the cup with ice. Retrieving the cold, glass bottle from a high
shelf over the stove, I poured a generous dose of Jack Daniels over the ice and
topped it with diet ginger ale.
Frankie Okay. Meh and good.
Great but scary.
Tierney Talk.
Frankie Not
much to say. My whole life is work and
girls and Jay. Get up, get ready, get
them ready, drive to work and do that all damn day, get the girls, cook dinner,
soccer or cheerleading, homework, clean the house, more work from home.
Tierney I'm sorry, sweetie. Are you getting any time for you?
Frankie LOL
time for WHO? Who is this ME of which
you speak? I think I've forgotten what
that is.
Tierney Moonshine! You need some time away from all of
that. You should come to Atlanta for a
weekend!
I stirred my drink with my finger and sucked away the tangy
sweetness. The first sips of the drink
hit the back of my throat, cold and biting.
Frankie I
would love to, really, I just don't know when I'd be able to get away. Jay doesn't even TRY to help out with the
girls that much. I mean, he coaches
their soccer teams, but that's more about him than it is about them. I don't even see him on Sundays. He'll leave tomorrow morning while the girls
and I are at church but won't be home until they go to bed.
Tierney What's he
doing??
Frankie Hell
if I know. He's just... gone most of the
day. Sometimes he goes to see his dad or
see a friend. Sometimes he goes to the
gym, where I NEVER get to go anymore. It
sucks. But enough of that. Tell me what else is going on. Are you painting?
Tierney Sometimes. I haven't done much with everything going
on. Turns out divorce sucks. But I did sell a couple of pieces through a
local coffee shop.
Frankie YAY! CONGRATS!
That's awesome!
Tierney Couple hundred
bucks. Not much, but it's something.
Frankie Tierney, you're incredibly
talented. Don't minimize that.
Tierney Great. I can
paint some shit. I can't maintain a
relationship to save my damn life.
Frankie STOP. Look, you and Sam fell the fuck apart. I know it wasn't what you'd planned, but it
also wasn't entirely your fault. There
were two of you in that tangle.
Tierney Sometimes
three. And not in a fun way. ;)
Frankie There is that. Have you heard from Alex?
Tierney Not
in months. It's hard, you know? I miss him sometimes still. When I met Jake, I *really* wanted to talk to
him about it.
Frankie Advice?
Tierney Maybe.
Mostly I wanted
him to know I'd met someone and that I was okay. He was right; the divorce wouldn't end
me.
Frankie And you wanted him to know that
he'd missed out on something special.
Tierney *shrug* For whatever good that would do.
He
loves Talia, I know that. And he adores
his daughter.
Frankie But
there's something between you
Tierney Again, for
whatever good that does
Frankie When
did you hear from him last?
Tierney Um,
right after Sam and I split. I emailed
him to let him know. He called to check
on me.
Frankie How was that?
Tierney Hard. It took about 5 minutes before he started
laying his truths on me. He knows
me. He always has.
That's kind of
what freaks me out about Jake. He sees
me like maybe only Alex ever saw me before.
Frankie Weird. That clearly already?
Tierney Yep. But remember it was that way with Alex from
the very beginning. I think he knew when
he saw me for the first time at the Masquerade.
Just innately.
Frankie I believe it.
Does
Jake Ryan know about Alex? I still can't
believe that's his name.
Tierney I
know! He does. It was weird, since his wife had an affair,
though the circumstances were entirely different.
We were talking
that first night, sitting on my deck at 4 a.m.
He was saying all these things about emotional detachment and about how
it felt to have his wife lie to him about her attraction to another guy, to
keep lying about it after he knew what had happened.
Frankie Awkward
Tierney Yeah. It was
like I was hearing Sam's side of it again, but without his emotion.
And I was able to
give Jake the other side of the affair, of what it felt like to be ignored and
how hard it would've been to *ever* tell Sam that I had feelings for someone
else.
Frankie Jeez
Tierney Yep
But it was almost
like the universe was giving us each a chance to hear that. For me, even in the moment, it felt plainly
like a reminder of the things I needed to heed moving forward, whether with
this guy or anyone else. I have to
remember not to be secretive and not to hide my heart, from another person or
from myself. I have to remember to fight
and to work to keep that distance from ever opening up and consuming me or my
relationship again.
Frankie You're amazing! You know that, right?
Tierney Ha! Hardly!
Frankie No,
really. You went through HELL with Sam,
were still willing to put everything you had into it. Plus you got your heart broken by Alex. And you're STILL willing to try and do it
again?
Tierney What's
my choice? Sit my ass in a chair and cry
and get fat again? I did that for long
enough. I can't go back to that.
Besides, I'm a spiteful,
spiteful girl. If I curl up and die, Sam
wins. I ain't gonna let that
happen. ;P
Frankie LOL! That's my girl. :D
Tierney And
technically Alex didn't break my heart, at least not by himself. I plainly had a hand in that.
Frankie True
Tierney I always knew it
would happen, you know?
Frankie So
why do it? Why keep going with him, even
when you knew you were going to get hurt?
Tierney It was hard to
look away. There was something I was supposed to see.
I mean, there's
that *smile* of course, but as much as he knew me when we met, I knew him. He was just... right where I needed him to
be.
Frankie And if he showed up now? What would you do?
Tierney What
could I do? I mean, he could pop up at
any time, you know? Phone call, text,
email, whatever.
I get these
*constant* reminders of him. Sometimes
it's days between, but then he'll be all over my radio one day. Or a dozen pictures of him will pop up on my
Facebook feed.
Frankie I
thought you guys were blocked from each other?
Tierney We
are. And I have a lot of our mutual
friends hidden just so I don't get those
But some days, for whatever reason, there he is.
And
now the shaking has begun.
I
talk (type) about him like this, and sometimes I can just *feel* him.
The new record is
about to come out. He'll be on tour
soon. He'll likely come to Atlanta, but
I'll deal with it when I have to.
Frankie Oh,
baby, I'm so sorry.
Go
somewhere it's warm. Maybe that'll help
it pass more quickly.
Tierney Good idea
Let's
go out to the deck, shall we?
I
unlocked the back door and opened it, the warm, spring night air rushing past
me and into the den. I reached toward
the huge sectional sofa and grabbed a throw blanket, tossing it around my
shoulders. I slid into my fuzzy slippers
and stepped out to the Back Porch, my phone in one hand and my drink in the
other.
Sam
and I had spent so many nights sitting out here, dissecting and flaying and
trying desperately to stitch our marriage back together. The neighbor's porch light curved around the
side of the house, glinting off the dark tiki torches Sam had left when he
moved out.
But he left everything, didn't he?
I
didn't want to think about him. Not
tonight.
I
glanced at the time on my phone.
12:54
Even
with the warm night and the thick blanket, I was shivering and shaking
uncontrollably. I took another sip of my
drink and set the cup on a lower, metal table.
As I turned toward the nearby chair to sit, I heard music and stopped
dead in my tracks.
Tierney Oh fuck! Ohfuckohfuckohfuck!
Frankie What?!?
Tierney Alex
Frankie What? Where?
Tierney In my
backyard
His
voice
Oh
fuck
Frankie What???
The
trees behind the house were just beginning to sprout new buds for the growing
season. Without a heavy canopy of
leaves, I could see through the edge of the woods and across six acres to a
nearby street, where one orange light glowed through the otherwise impenetrable
darkness. The unmistakable din of
whining guitars underscored with rhythmic beating floated through the night, as
if from the lone beam of light.
Your sins trickle like whiskey
From your dark amber pout
I don't care what's in your head
Only what's in your mouth
Your whiskey mouth spills lies
Across my anguished lips
Tongues tied and twisting
Crack a smile like a whip
Frankie Tierney, what the hell is
happening?
Tierney Someone
on the neighboring street is playing Junkture
Loudly
From the dark
No other sounds
Frankie Like a radio or a CD?
Tierney Yep
Ohfuckohfuckohfuck
I tried simultaneously to scream
and cry, but my vocal chords strangled on their own strange sorrow, my face
frozen in distorted emotion like a Munch painting. I clutched my phone in my hand and wrapped my
arms around me, trying to hold my pieces together.
Is this real? Is this seriously
happening now? Like this?
I strained to listen more closely, just
to be sure I was really hearing "Whiskey Mouth".
We share ourselves
Our whiskey and sins
The sweet taste of your lies
The heat of your skin
Take out your flask
And pour out your heart
I promise I won't tell
What you whisper in the dark
I swung the door open and jaunted to the
kitchen. I peered out the window toward
my street.
Maybe it's a Say Anything moment.
I prayed for a guy with a boombox on my
front lawn. No such luck.
I ran back to the deck. There was no way I was missing this moment.
Tierney Whiskey Mouth is playing out of the fucking
dark, Frankie
Right into my
back yard
Frankie That's fucked up
Tierney Welcome to my life
Your love is a phone call at 2 a.m.
In the darkest place of your mourning
I love it when you're drunk
And I love the way you fuck
But no one can know I've come calling
You tease me and taunt me
And make me want you
Then you try to push me away
You opened this box
Then told me to stop
When you saw the sober light of day
We share ourselves
Our whiskey and sins
The sweet taste of your lies
The heat of your skin
Take out your flask
And pour out your heart
Promise me you won't tell
What I whisper in the dark
My
telephone vibrated in my hand, ringing silently.
If that is Alex Wheeler, I will reach
through the phone and punch him in the fucking face.
Jake Ryan
Even weirder.
"Hello?"
"Hey, honey. How
are you?"
"Now is not the time to ask." My teeth were clattering against the sudden
emotional strain. My shoulders shook out
of sync with my jittering legs and hips.
"What's wrong?
Are you okay?"
"No. Yeah. I'm fine, I guess. I will be.
Just—"
"Who are you trying to tell—you or me?"
I took a deep breath and held it for a moment.
"Tell me what's going on," Jake said evenly.
Remember to breathe,
Tierney.
I explained the moment to Jake, to this sweet, amazing, new
man who'd fallen into my rabbit hole just days before—the chat with Frankie,
the shaking, the darkness, the music.
"This is just what happens," I said quickly. "He's just there sometimes. It's how
it's always been with him. And I don't
miss the sex or the weirdness or the crazy that comes from all of that—"
"Sweetie, stop. Okay?"
Great. Now I'm gonna drive another one away.
"You're dancing around saying that you miss him. You're trying not to say it to me."
I nodded curtly, silently, as if Jake would somehow
know.
"You miss him, Tierney, and that's okay."
"But it's not like I'm waiting for him. I'm not pining for him. It's over, and now there's you and
this...."
"Baby, I know. I
know, and it's okay. Really."
He paused for a moment.
"Look, if you hadn't met him and gone through everything with him
when you did, you might not be the woman who stumbled into my life. I'm thankful you met him, no matter
what. Everything happens for a reason,
just like it's supposed to happen. We
both know this."
I squeezed my eyes shut against the sound of his voice, a
small wave of relief washing over my heart.
Did I really just meet
a man who gets it?
"I...."
"I know, Tierney.
I know."
"You do, don't you?" I asked finally,
quietly.
Jake chuckled gently into the phone. "I do, baby. I get it.
He's special to you, and that's okay."
"I'm afraid—"
"Of what?"
"Of what happens when he comes to town."
"What happens then?"
"I'll want to see him."
"Okay," he replied brightly.
Don't say it. "And I'll want you to meet him. I'll want him to meet you."
"I'm sure that can be arranged."
"But it could be weird," I whined.
"Why would it be weird?"
"Well... but...."
"We're grown men, Tierney, who both happen to care
about you. You introduce us, and we'll
take it from there. What's the worst
thing that happens? ’Oh, hey man.
You fucked her. I fuck her
better.' Come on! It's strange, yes, but the truth is we can
handle this. We're all adults, Tierney."
He was right. We were
adults—grown-ass people who understood that we were each coming from our
respective pasts. It just so happened
that Alex's past and Jake's present were crossing wires, with me the
purple-on-blond junction in the middle.
Junkture, for
sure. Total clusterfuck.
"Are you really
this amazing?" I murmured.
"Probably not," he laughed, "but this is no
big deal, doll. You're stressing about
nothing."
I picked up my cup and quickly swallowed the melt floating
at the top of my drink. I gulped at the
whiskey and ginger ale, finishing it all at once. Sudden warmth flushed my cheeks, and I smiled
to myself.
"How was your night with the guys?"
I glanced at my phone to see a notification from Frankie,
that she had to crash but would check in later.
The woods were dark and silent again.
Dumping the ice into a planter, I left the cup on the table
and went back into the house, locking the door behind me.
[Signed copies of Persona Non Grata and Junkture swag, including the t-shirt on the cover, are available through the Junkture store above.]